Sensationalism at its best...

Death, Grief and Guilt... 

In 2005, when I was getting custody back of my daughter, someone made an anonymous call to the Kennebec Journal and said; "You want to write a story about a child killer who's getting her daughter back?".

Well that prompted a series of phone calls to my attorney John Pelletier (who I have to say is one of my favorite people in the world and puts to shame all the lawyer jokes) and a month long process of negotiations with family court and the KJ about an interview. Needless to say, we granted the interview (which felt incredibly close to blackmail) in exchange for privacy for my daughter and I moved just prior to the article being published. Since it's available for everyone to read anyway, but in an out of context and unexplained narrative. I thought this would be the best place for the article to be seen. Since most of what is being made available is not being made available in its entire context.

So below are the two articles that appeared on April 11, 2005 (I always wondered if it were purposeful it was published the same day as Hunter died) The first was a sidebar beside the main article, explaining that I did not want to give an interview and had been coerced into it. I always thought it nice of them to at least mention that. Gary Remal interviewed me with my Attorney (John) present over the course of four hours. Below is the basic result.

Oh Wait, the really big kicker? It won a National Media Award from National Mental Health Association  (now Mental Health America) the Following Year. I'm going to add that onto the end, but I'm also going to give it its own post. That was a really nice ending to such a crappy beginning.

~~~
 

Kennebec Journal (Augusta, ME) April 11, 2005
Section: Local & State Page: 1A

Natachia Barlow Ramsey's story

Article Text:

Natachia Barlow Ramsey, a 31-year-old mother who killed her 4-week-old son in 1999 as the result of severe postpartum depression, was given nearly unprecedented permission by District Court Judge John Nivison to discuss her case after the Kennebec Journal obtained court documents showing she had been reunited with her older child after losing custody for six years.

Read more here...

.. ~ Natachia Barlow Ramsey's Story; Surviving Postpartum Psychosis ~ Sensationalism at it's best ~

Horror Story or Reality?

Living your own worst nightmare

This past week I had a conversation with a woman who has had a similar experience to mine. Her husband and her are together, but she is questioning whether or not it will stay that way given all that has happened. We proceeded to talk about my circumstances regarding my now ex-husband and what happened.

It made me start thinking the last couple of days about what it took to forgive the one person I reached out for the day my world turned upside down... The day our son died.

There are audio cassette tape recordings of that morning, from an answering machine. It took me about eight years before I was finally about to listen to them. I knew they exsisted, I talked about them with my therapist. She heard them, the Attorney's, Doctor's and anyone who evaluated me heard them. I just couldn't for a very long time. I knew it would bring me back to that day in a way like nothing else ever would.

When I finally decided I was ready to hear the recordings, I took a copy of the tape and I must have held onto it for weeks before I built up the courage to push play. I only had it on for about 5 seconds and it immediately brought me back in time and I quickly shut it off. So, I sat there, for how long I don't know. I decided I would push play and let it run through until the end no matter what. (This was a series of calls I made to my then husband and he wouldn't answer the phone and kept hanging up on me) A lot of what I am saying is incomprehensible, babbling. But I am begging him to pick up the phone. I am telling him "something is wrong with me" "I can't think" ...

Read the rest here:

.....Natachia Barlow Ramsey's Story; Surviving Postpartum Psychosis ~ Horror Story or Reality? ~

Life For Death Punishment?

Is an Eye for an Eye Always Necessary?

I remember at the very end of my trial when the judge sentenced me to the commissioner (back into AMHI) and said there was nothing he could do to punish me more than what I had already been through. That was just the beginning of my realizing how correct he was....

I guess I became more and more aware of this as I sat in therapy, sometimes daily, and talked about everything from as far back as I could remember all the way to the present. Everytime we had a court date and I listened to testimony about how the biggest danger I posed was to myself. I didn't seem able to impress upon people enough how suicide was no longer an option for me.

You see, it took several months for me to wade my way through the fog of postpartum psychosis when I was first committed to AMHI in 1999. I cannot give you a clear, concise timeline of events. As the months passed and I got closer to discharge that September I do remember more and more until I am clear headed. I would say the first two months are in random, skewed order. I have to ask the people around me if and when certain things happened.

I don't really remember my son's funeral. I recall people bringing me from the hospital (AMHI) but I don't know how many or who it was. I know my father and aunt were there. I know they had a rocking chair and let me sit and rock my son before anyone else came in. I remember I wasn't allowed to look at him. I remember just trying desperately to try and feel him through all the blankets and whatever else he was wrapped in.

Read the rest here:

..Natachia Barlow Ramsey's Story; Surviving Postpartum Psychosis ~ Life For Death Punishment? ~

Choosing Between the Devils

When is the devil you don't know better than the devil you do know?

I am often left feeling as though I am choosing between the lesser of two evils. Rather than just being able to make the best decision for example; I have a couple choices and neither of them are fantastic, but I have to choose one of them. So take your pick... 



Devil's in disguise?

We have an election going on (yeah I know, the entire world knows). But we also have a Probate Judge election going on here in Waldo County. You see, while there is some family court stuff brewing upstairs with my grand-daughter Lanah, I also have lots of things circulating downstairs in Probate. Everything from the Guardianship of my daughter to the petition of guardianship of my grand-daughter.

 

I actually petitioned for guardianship of my grand-daughter back in June. At that time we didn't know who her father was so there was the added delay of informing all the putative fathers. But even since finding out there has been a great delay in getting the case heard.

 

I originally petitioned the probate court because I was the one caring for Lanah full time. My daughter had moved in with her boyfriend and would come and visit with Lanah and spend time with her but she wasn't ready to be a full time parent. At that time and in moment's of clarity she would
Read more here...

 

~ Natachia Barlow Ramsey; Surviving Postpartum Psychosis and Losing a Piece of Myself ~