What Dreams May Come
For a decade I had the same recurring nightmare; that I would walk into the Augusta Mental Health Institute for some kind of meeting, the doors would close behind me and I couldn't get out. The dreams always started off with me having to go there for something innocuous. Once inside they inform me I cannot leave. I check all the doors, I am crying, I plead with them. No matter what I say, no matter what I do I have to stay there. Locked inside.
Although I do not remember exactly when I had the first nightmare, I do recall it was sometime after I was released the first time in September of 1999 into a group home on personal recognizance bail so I could be in therapy.
I would wake up in a cold sweat and have that same feeling everytime. This weighted down, surreal and out of sorts feeling. Empty space. I don't think I've ever been afraid of a place or afraid of anything really as I was afraid of that place. Just being there the five months I was there when I was sick with Postpartum Psychosis was incredibly scary.
One of the worst things about being there is that people mess with you, staff included, and even when you try to tell someone, you are often not believed because "you" are the crazy one. You're the one who is in the hospital for being sick. There are some real assholes working in mental health hospitals, people who really like being in control, who shouldn't be allowed to work with people who have a mental illness. Now that's not to say that everyone is bad. They're certainly not and if
Read the rest here:
..Natachia Barlow Ramsey's Story; Surviving Postpartum Psychosis ~ Nightmare Alley ~
natachia, three years confined, plus several more in the system- even though you were found not criminally responsible and were not a threat to anyone. that to me sounds criminal. your courage in writing about your experiences is, really, just stunning. your honesty and eloquence are appreciated. quite simply, thank you.
ReplyDeleteEddie, I so appreciate the words of encouragement. It really does mean a lot to me when someone reads my blog and it touches them. Thank you so for the kind words.Natachia
ReplyDeleteNatchia, I too was 'locked up' in various mental hospitals over a period of 6 months which is NOTHING compared to what you have been through. I agree that the staff tries to play tricks on you, and unfortunately I never got any real help. Just drugs and fear. I also have nightmares of being locked up again. The only reason I have been able to heal the bit I have is because I am in society. Locking people up for mental illness helps no one. Thank you for sharing your story so openly!
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