Reminding myself this isn't exactly Thailand
I have times when I want to do something almost to prove to myself I am alive. Like jumping off a bridge into the ocean. I know it's not actually necessary, but on occasion I have that urge. It's probably similar to the urge I describe below about screaming Fuck You and wanting to Punch People in the Face. Those last two don't sound very ladylike...
Some days I just want to scream Fuck You to the world. There are days when I want to punch people in the face. There are times when I have wondered if this is my reincarnated life as punishment of a past life and I was something truly awful.I don't have those moments very often. But on occasion when it feels like everything is just bearing it's weight down on me. I am perhaps just one kind voice away from shedding a bucket full of tears (cue the tears now as I type). I have those thoughts.
I have times when I think I just want to go and find some peace and solace. Other times when I just want the company of the unknown stranger who knows nothing about me and to find comfort in their arms. I know it's short lived. So, I have basically sworn off real dating for now. I'm actually supposed to have a date (I have signed up for those dating websites, all the free ones anyway). I usually get as far as a few email responses and I'll either stop communicating or never follow through with the date.
The idea of introducing someone to my past is exhausting. [Oh that date is supposed
Read more here:
~ Natachia Barlow Ramsey's Story; Surviving Postpartum Psychosis ~ One Night in Bangkok ~
One Night in Bangkok... wow, totally relevant to me. Today especially. I wonder why it is that so many of us have such a hard time advocating for ourselves. Were we raised to be self-sacrificial? Didn't our parents realize what a burden that would be? Am I raising my daughters to be the same way??! And how do I ensure that they feel empowered to express themselves and prioritize their needs? Hmmm... lots to think about today.
ReplyDeleteThanks for nudging my slightly "poor me" mindset back into its proper place. It's nice to be able to turn to your page and leave feeling a bit stronger. Keep it up Tasch! ~Wendy
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for responding. It's always nice to know when something I've written reaches someone. Especially someone I know and care about. Funny how you never know when something is going to touch someone.
I don't know why. I just often find it's much easier to advocate for someone else. A question I ponder often.